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Is this how it is when it come to the end? when the love is all over and reality sets in. that maybe you're not the perfect couple you've always put on a front about. reality sets in that we're completely different from each other now. some changes for the good, some for the bad. and although my heart aches at the thought of all the damage and progress and more damage, why does it try to stick around and endure more?

I guess all situations teach you something new. Teaches you something about yourself. and when you're done learning all you can, do you just walk away from the situation? I've fallen back into my faith. I've re assist my beliefs, values, and goals. And thats when i've come to realize that our lives dont work together anymore. we're two different people now trying to make these puzzle pieces fit. I have this fire inside of me thats fighting to get out and where he used to be the one to just build the fire bigger and better, encouraging me on... hes become the person to smother it out and make it out of reach.

I was truly happy. Until i let what really was be alive. i've grown tremendously, where he has almost regressed. and i cant change him. i cant fix him. nor can i try anymore. all he sees is red, while im looking into the hues of optimism and faith.

I've realized that music is my muse to life. it inspires me and forces me to create with ideas i've never thought of before. As mentioned before, i've ALWAYS been a fan of the Jacksons. Most strongly, Janet and Michael. And i admit shamefully that i had forgotten about him, and lately i've been reconnecting with his music and his message. After seeing "This Is It" it has lit this fire under my ass thats got me moving with determination that i've never seen in myself before. I want to push myself, make myself better as a person and in my art. I want my hands all up around and inside that pot. i want to create the life that i want and be completely hands on. I thought i had lost my passion for art.. but that has been rekindled. Im finding myself again and im relishing in the things i love and the things that make me happy.

In this journey of finding myself, being independent and seeing what im capable of, i've lost myself. I've lost what im all about. I've lost the things that make me, me. And i've allowed one person to take that away. I've been stripped naked and i need my skin back.

All situations teach you something. I've learned that i am independent. i'm self efficent. I have a mind of my own, and i dont care what people think. But i've also learned that falling in love and loving someone shouldnt involve losing yourself in the process. You should be able to be in love and have that person love you for what you are... not just certain things and disregard the rest. but love you for each and every part. and if they cant? you shouldnt settle for less, and always look for what you deserve. it hurts to come to this revelation, but i guess it had to come one day or another. i cant risk further losing myself. i need me. i miss me. My journey has switched. Instead of being on the beaten path of love, im on the path to rekindling the love i have for myself and finding myself once again.