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hm. so i had one of the most interesting conversations with my mom at dinner. For almost three years now i've fooled with the idea of moving to Arizona and if not there at least somewhere out of state. I've always been one to explore, stretch my wings and through cation to the wind. I've always seen myself as independent, but stuck being dependent. Because unless you have some amazing job at 20, is willing to live in the ghetto, or has wealthy parents, being dependent is the way to be in southern california. roommates could be an options, but most cases they're in the same situation as you. So Arizona, or even at one point (and which still may be a possibility) Austin, TX seemed to be my thriving place. Somewhere where i felt like i could make it on my own and instead of paying 1200 bucks for a one bedroom, pay only 400 bucks.

Anyways, back to my mom. I think for the longest time, shes been wanting me to be that independent person she knows i can be. She wants me to succeed, but shes never really been good at expressing such things to me. And i think deep down she wasnt ready to let go. but tonight.. or well, last night i think she had a reality check.

Out of everyone, other than my dad, my mom was the last person i wanted to tell that i was moving to Arizona. I knew she would support me, but sometimes she can be a "debbie downer" and i just didnt want that negative energy on something so positive and happy for me. but as always, she surprised the hell outta me (plz folks, its not wise to ALWAYS underestimate your parents, you'll be surprised). She expressed to me how on her way home from work she kept thinking about me and how adventurous my spirit is. How i have no kids, no permanent responsibilities and that i could get up and go anywhere i want. So at that moment i decided to tell her that i was officially a student at Phoenix College. At that she smiled, and i was ready to burst in to tears. She was genuinely happy for me and it felt really good. its like for once, she was fully supporting me and pushing me forward. At that point i just let it all go, told her about my concerns, but how this is it for me and i just need to do it. I said not only was the decision for me, but based on her as well. I dont want her to have to worry about me, to worry about taking care of me. I'll be 21 in september. I think its about time that i take care of myself.

This move was so scary for me, because i felt like everything wasn't going to work out. I wasn't gonna make my "deadlines". But its amazing how God works in mysterious ways. At your times of need and He sees you're trying hard and not afraid to ask Him for help, He's there by your side. I was offered a job that would be well enough for me to get my own place and live comfortably while still going to school full time. It pushes my move date a little sooner (July instead of September or December) but im okay with that, i'll be able to register for fall session in Phoenix and not skip a beat in school. Im so excited, because it finally feels like everything is falling into place and this is going to be a really good thing for me.

I am gonna miss my family though. Thats the one thing that gets me sad and makes me want to cherish every little moment we have right now. We're such a close family, and have always livedclosed to each other, so its going to be a big change for me. I mean, i know i'll be coming to visit often (i'll only be 5 hours away), but its going to be amazingly different then living right down the alley from them. Though, i can imagine the family drives out to see me, and the phone calls because its too hot and they're too lost, LOL. The most important thing though, is that i'll be here for my cousin graduation from HS and hopefully i'll be able to make it back when my oldest sister has her first baby :] Though one family member might be able to go with me, which is my Chyna, and that will make anywhere i end up feel much more like home.

Im really excited though, figuring out everything. Making sure everything is coming together, checking on moving, internet, and cable rates. and of course looking for that fat kitty that i want oh so bad. Im excited because im going to have a place thats mine, i dont have to answer to anyone and i can leave a dirty dish or two in the sink overnight without being yelled at, lol.

Im closing such a big chapter in my life, but opening a brand new door of possibilities for me to thrive in.