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Long goodbyes are never the easiest, but thats what i experienced this week. one long sad goodbye. and in the end it turned out to be what i thought it was gonna be. maybe a little sooner than i thought, but it happened just like i knew it would. and maybe because i knew, thats why im not hurting as much as i thought i would. or maybe it was because i was completely distracted today that my feelings had no room to release themselves. or maybe, and this is a long shot, but maybe im in denial.

but i guess things happen, and life moves on. sometimes we dont quite understand what the purpose are of some things, and sometimes we might never know. i think i have a slight grasp, but its still not so clear. but some things have come clear to me and right now i can only work on what is in front of me. i can only take it as it comes and do the best that i can do. and where ever i end up, i know that it'll be a happy place for once. i deserve it.

in a way i feel almost betrayed. talked about. and 100% completely misunderstood. but fuck it, why should i have to prove myself, my intentions, and what i feel like im here to do? people arent always going to agree with my decisions, nor are they going to understand my situation and where im coming from. so from this day out, i've given up on that. you think what you want, i cant change it. all i can do is be me. i dont have to live up to anyones expectations but mine.

supposenly everything is in my hands. but its not, and im not alone on this. i'll always have Him by my side, watching me from above, ready and willing with his arms open and no one can keep me away from that.

this blog is called "steady laughing" for a reason. Unbreakable is the song the lyrics are quoted from and the exact line is "...and when you bury me underneath all your pain Im steady laughin', while surfacing." And sometimes thats what i feel like i have to do, just laugh because in the end, imma be okay no matter who's done what, why and how. People can say and think what they want. they can bury me so far underneath their own pain and point the finger, but in the end all i can do is be me and rise above. So when i think steady laughing, that line comes to mind and i just keep on pushin to my goals and dreams.

so, yea. something short and sweet, i dont have energy for much else. i've been waiting around for almost 12 hours to get tatt'd. it was all for a good cause though, i'll have to share the complete story later :]